Kiss Goodbye
by Blue Topaz
Summary: One last kiss, one last goodbye. S/J. WARNING: major character death.


**KISS GOODBYE**

By Blue Topaz

Spoiler: Ascension, 2001, Abyss

WARNING: Major character death.

AN: This fic is different from my usual fics. As it was a deathfic, at first, I didn't think that I'd be able to finish it, but then I found it very challenging and finally managed to pull it together. Inspired by the song 'Wen Pie' (Kiss Goodbye) by Jacky Cheung. Thanks to Sandra who beta-read this one. Dedicated to Rosemary, Sarae, Sandra and Sally M.

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Her lips touched his.

Gentle pressure that sent shivers to both bodies, simple action that spoke louder than any words ever said. 

Their hiding places were abandoned and their defenses were down.

For the first time and probably the last time.

***

_"Trees, wow," a not-so-enthusiastic exclamation escaped Jack's lips as soon as they stepped out from the giant portal. It was located in the middle of a jungle, and the familiar green plants greeted them._

_"Yes, Sir.__ Those are trees." Sam stood beside him, humoring him with her smile._

_He scanned the surroundings before making his remark. "I was being sarcastic, Carter," he said while approaching the MALP that was located near the Stargate._

_With a smirk she replied, "Me too."_

_He shook his head in defeat. She'd been hanging around with him too long. _

_"Jonas, Teal'c, check the parameter and try to find a place to camp," he issued orders. "I know that Carter would love to spend her time with the MALP first. I'll protect her while she plays with it." Grinning, he patted the giant machine and earned a snort from the Major. They both knew that he was just kidding. She needed to download some environmental reading data from the MALP, so that they wouldn't be caught unguarded by unexpected climate change. And no matter how safe the planet might seem, he would never let one of his team alone._

_"I do not believe that Major Carter needs protecting, O'Neill," Teal'c defended her ability._

_ "Yes, Colonel. Sam is more than able to protect herself," Jonas backed Teal'c up._

_"Jeez, I knew that. I'm just saying, for crying out loud," the Colonel groaned. "Just ..." __He stopped when he heard giggling, and turned to stare at the person responsible for the sound..__ The giggling stopped, replaced by a smile. He turned his attention back to the two men. "Just go and do what I told you to do, OK. I'll stay here and keep Carter *company*. There, you happy now? She didn't need protecting, she needs *company*."_

_He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He knew that his team trusted him and wouldn't question his order. But sometimes, he missed the time when his soldiers would do anything he said without questioning his choice of words. However, it wouldn't be as fun. _

_Teal'c__ and Jonas then started to search for a place to set a camp and left the two officers alone. Sam had already connected her laptop to the MALP and waited patiently as the data was being transferred. She hadn't put her P90 down, ready to use it when necessary. She knew better than expecting everything to be okay all the time. He put his shades on and made a light conversation with his 2IC to pass time._

_The planet they were on now was designated as P88 967. The UAV showed no sign of civilization despite the fact that it was inhabitable. SG-1's mission was to determine that there were no threats in the planet and decide whether it would be suitable for the Beta site. The President felt the need to build a Beta site, the Alpha site location was already known to the __Jaffa__ rebels and the Tok'ra. It was deemed necessary to have another site that was completely exclusive for Earth. As much as they trusted the __Jaffa__ and the Tok'ra, there was always a possibility that the information could fall to the Goa'uld, especially the one who possessed the kind of technology that Anubis had._

***

Their lips parted.

As blue eyes met brown, she couldn't hold back the tears. His hands cupped her face and he kissed the tears away. His lips tasted the salty liquid and felt the softness of her skin. 

No words were spoken as their lips met for the second time. 

It was not as gentle as the first one, but more demanding as grief and realisation started to drown their senses. One of her hands was on the back of his head and pulling him closer. The other was on his chest, clutching at his black regulation shirt, gripping with all her worth. His hands were on either side of her head, caressing her smooth cheeks with his thumbs while his fingers ran through her short blond hair. 

They didn't hold back as their team-mates watched them, didn't stop even though a Goa'uld witnessed this. All they care was that they had each other in their arms.

Lost in their own world.

***

_On the second day, the Stargate was activated and waves of __Jaffa__ flooded out from the blue shimmering water. Just their luck that the planet was one of Yu's planet and he decided to pay a visit. They tried to cover their track and broke out the camp as soon as possible, but the First Prime found the MALP and the manhunt begun._

_They managed to retreat inside the jungle and played hide and seek for almost 28 hours before they were caught, but not with a fight that cause the death of dozens of Jaffa. They were out-numbered and as soon as they ran out of bullets and explosives, they were subdued. The __Jaffa__ took them underground using a ring transporter, inside a hidden temple that marked the presence of Goa'uld in the past. _

_The temple was almost similar in design with the Tok'ra's tunnel. The difference was, this one was decorated with red and gold ribbons, giving a hint of mystical experience. There was an altar at one end of the room, and a throne was placed next to it. Yu was sitting on it._

_"Kneel before your god," the __Jaffa__ ordered, it was the routine that never got old when _you were captured and granted an audience by a Goa'uld. 

_Jack, as usual, didn't comply and didn't keep his mouth shut neither. "Can I just stand? I had a bad knee."_

_Something blunt connected with the back of his knees and he was forced to submit to the order. He winced at the pain, and looked back at his team who was also kneeling behind him. All of them had cuts and bruises from the fight, but none of them had any life-threatening injury. It was obvious to all of them that Yu want to take them alive, for whatever ill reasons that the Goa'uld could have. _

_"SG-1," the distorted voice of the host brought his attention back to the man in front of him._

_"Yu, buddy.__ How are you?" Jack grimaced at his own words. Yu was the System Lord that he hated the least, a preference that he was quite sure going to change in the near future._

_The __Jaffa__ standing next to him swung his staff weapon to hit his head, and the blow made him fall forward. "Show respect to your god!" He was preparing to give the human another strike when Yu ordered, "Do not touch him," It was an order that the __Jaffa__ didn't dare to refuse. "As you wish, my Lord." He stepped away from his captive. _

_"Sir."__ Sam's hand helped Jack get back to his previous position, and she watched him with concern in her eyes. _

_"I'm okay." He get back on his knese and brought his hand to his head, rubbing it slightly and eliciting a sharp hiss from his lips. _

_"Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter and the shol'va Teal'c."__ Yu eyes were fixed on them one by one as he addressed their names, and when he saw Jonas, he asked, "And who are you?"_

_"Oh, he's new," Jack answered before Jonas could say anything._

_"Then it is true. Doctor Jackson was no longer with you." It was more a statement than a question._

_"No, he's not," Jack felt a pang of sadness at the mention of Daniel's name. Daniel's ascension had affected him more than he'd let it shown. _

_ Yu stroked his beard slowly, as if thinking about the confirmed information. He appeared to be thinking about what he was going to do with SG-1. The four travellers exchanged a curious glance and when the silence became unbearable for Jack, he asked, "Look, why don't we make it quick and spare us from the death caused by boredom. What do you want from us?"_

_Yu glanced down from his throne, and then he waved his hand. "__Jaffa__, kree!__ Bring them to my chamber."_

***

She could see his eyes, hear his breath, inhale his scent, feel his body heat and taste him. He was all over her, overwhelming her senses intensely with his whole being. Seven years of friendship, God-knows-how-many years of feeling that should not have been display, and here she was. Holding him, touching him, kissing him. Not caring whether it was right or wrong. 

She was overjoyed to finally be able to show him how much he meant to her. She dreaded that she might not be able to do it again. But at least, they had this kiss.

A kiss that was shared.

A kiss to remember.

***

_"Come again?" Jack was shocked. SG-1 was alone with Yu in his private chamber, and no __Jaffa__ were present. _

_"I will let the others go, but you have to stay," the Goa'uld said calmly. He was sitting on a chair with two small wooden tables flanking it; SG-1 was standing in front of him. There was a big picture of a green dragon dancing on a cloud on the wall behind him. _

_The Colonel rolled his eyes. "Excuse me, but why should I believe you? You have a snake in your head after all." He knew better than trusting a snake. His eyes searched for a way out of this mess automatically, and he was waiting for a chance. A chance to break out from here and take his team to safety. A chance that seemed to be very slim, almost non-existent at this moment. He would love nothing more than to attack the Goa'uld in front of him right now, but he knew that Yu had a ribbon device on him and he would not be so foolish to be left alone with SG-1 without any precaution, no matter how overconfident he was. _

_Yu hit the table with his hand. "You are not in position of questioning my words." His eyes flashed as his anger ignited. _

_Jack managed to bite back his reply. He didn't want to piss the Goa'uld more than he had already done. His team could pay for his recklessness. Yu was different from the others. He had wisdom and didn't let his arrogance cloud him completely. And Yu knew very well that he could use Jack's team against him. _

_Sam raised her eyebrow. "Why? Why would you release us if you could just kill all of us right here, right now?" She knew that there was more to it than what appeared on the surface._

_"Carter!" Jack shot her a look that said 'don't give him any ideas'. She stared back at him, shrugging her shoulder slightly in a fashion that replied 'I'm just curious'._

_"He needs us," Teal'c answered the question for him. He had been silent for a while, but he had been Apophis's First Prime for a reason._

_Yu smiled slyly. "The Sholva is correct. You have proven yourself useful by assassinating and giving me information about other Goa'uld." He had used SG-1 as well as they had used him. In a way, it was a mutual symbiotic relationship, as odd as it might sound. He needed them out there, causing problems for other System Lords. After all, they were the one who eliminated Apophis and Cronos, and thus strengthened his position within the System Lords._

_"In other words, we were your assistants," Jonas interjected. _

_"And a cheap ones as well."__ Jack couldn't resist to comment on Jonas's line. "We should start charging for our services." He couldn't hide his disgust on how Yu took advantage of their actions. _

_Despite their situation, Sam found herself smiling. Teal'c merely looked at the Colonel. _

_"What do you want from me?" Jack asked him. Yu had provided him with a way to get his team back in one piece, and he would see to it personally that Yu did just that. In a way, he was relieved that the Goa'uld still needed his team alive. _

_Yu lifted his chin in a conceit manner. "You are going to be my new host."_

_Sam was the one who react first at the revelation._

_"NO!"_

***

He looked at the blue eyes that shone more that normal, gleaming by the tears that threatened to fall at any second. He had difficulty breathing as his finger touched her lips, his free hand resting on her back. He had a lot of regrets in his life, but he wouldn't regret knowing her. 

She was a lot of things for him; a subordinate, a soldier, a scientist, a problem solver, a woman he loved, but above all that, she was his friend. The friend who he admired, respected, trusted, cared about and cherished. 

She buried her head in his shoulder, her arms encircling him tightly, crushing herself to him. He could only hold her back gently and whispered soothing words in her ears, stroking her hair and closing his eyes. 

He had chosen to be her friend instead her lover. 

Maybe that why he didn't resign when he found out that she had stolen his heart. 

Maybe that was why he was so afraid to cross the fine line and take the first step. 

Maybe that was why he kissed her during the time-loop, when he knew that there would be no consequences, at least for her. 

Maybe that was why he didn't act like a jealous man when Ambassador Joe Faxon was all over her. 

And maybe that was why he didn't go berserk when he knew about Orlin and the way she cared for him. 

Even though he was struggling inside, even though he didn't like what he saw, he did nothing. Because he made a promise with himself that whatever happened, there was only one thing that he asked. 

That they would stayed friend, forever.

***

_"Carter, I think I should be the judge on that, don't you?" Jack gave her a strained look._

_Sam was angry. Angry at the situation that they were in, angry at the fate that the Goa'uld had condemned to her CO, angry at her vulnerability. She was angry at him because she knew that he'd do anything for his team, including having a snake put in his head and there was nothing that she could do about it. "With all due respect, Sir, I don't think so. There is no way that I'll let him take you as his host." Her hands were clenched in a tight fists, her eyes challenging him._

_"*Major*, last time I checked I'm still the leader of this team." He used her rank to snapped her out of her fury. It was so rare that she let her emotion dictated her action._

_"Major Carter is correct. I also would not surrender to the petty demand of a Goa'uld," Teal'c added._

_Jack closed his eyes and sighed. "Teal'c, not you too."_

_"Insolence!__ I do not recall giving you a choice." Yu rose from his chair, his patience had growing thin._

_Sam was just about to say something when Jack raised his hand, effectively stopping her. He turned to face the Goa'uld. "Why me?Why do you want me as a host? I mean, if we caused so much trouble for other snakes, wouldn't it be better to have me* out there* making the trouble?" _

_The corner of Yu's mouth twitched, "I am not like the others. I chose my host carefully. I do not choose them based on the physical appearance, but their intelligence and skill."_

_"Are you saying that I'm ugly?" Jack quipped, slightly offended with what the Goa'uld was applying. He was aware that Yu was the least attractive System Lords. Those snakes did usually go for the young and good-looking hosts. _

_Yu just smirked. "Your had led your people in a war against Goa'uld and survived for a very admirable amount of time. With you as my host, I would draw great pleasure being inside your head. You will enrich me. The others will respect me more." He paused, "and you are my assurance that the Tauri will not fight against me."_

_"Feeling a little bit insecure?" Jack was a little pleased to know that he had troubled the Goa'uld. _

_Yu didn't take the bait. "Say what you want, but you will be my host, whether you like it or not."_

_Jack took a deep breath. He didn't see a way out from this. He knew why Yu wanted his team know about this, so that he could have a hold on them. But he was wrong to think that he would be safe from them by having Jack as his host. It would only drive them more, to know that he would rather die than live as a Goa'uld. _

_He turned around to face his team and smile ironically. "Well, I guess this is goodbye then_."

***

She couldn't think clearly, but for once in her life, it didn't bother her. Being in his arms and having his hands caressed her gently, she knew that she had lost the ability to pretend. 

She no longer pretend that she satisfied with the way things were, that she didn't hate the regulation, that she was not willing to give it all up if he only asked, that she didn't care about him this much, and that she wanted and needed him more than life itself. 

But was it too late? 

Was it too late to let him see the real her? To let him know that she cared about him a lot more than she was allowed to, that she was longing to be in his arms like this, that she dream about him, and that she wanted to share her life with him.

She put one hand between their bodies, sliding it across his chest until she could feel his dog tags hidden beneath his shirt. She could feel the two flat metal against her fingers, and then the cylindrical shape object. Her hand stopped there for a while, she lifted her head slightly from his shoulder and whispered in his ear, "I understand."

His lips pressed against her ear and he trailed butterfly kisses along her jaw. He stopped short at her lips, forcing her eyes to open, and she looked at him for the last time, transfixed by his gaze.

She lost herself as his lips brushed against hers one more time. Soft and yet firm, tender and yet demanding. 

A simple, sincere and pure act.

A last kiss.

A last goodbye.

And once it was over, he whispered back, "Thank you."

***

_"What's this?" Jack's eyes were fixed to the small bullet-like item between his fingers. He fiddles around with it, trying to guess what it was._

_They were in his house. She had arrived there a few minutes earlier._

_Sam licked her lips nervously. "It's a naquadria grenade, Sir." _

_He stopped playing with it and looked at her. When he saw no indication that she was joking, he put the object carefully back on the table. "O-kay." Unconsciously, he pushed it away from him. He knew how dangerous the thing was just by the way she said the name._

_The familiarity of his behaviour made her smile. "As long as it's not tampered with, it's safe, Sir. The casing is made of trinium. It's for you."_

_His frowned, looking at her sitting by his side on a couch.__ "No offence, Carter, but isn't it against the regulations?" Any alien-based technology was the property of the government; they were not allowed not to own them. _

_She had a guilty expression on her face. "It is."_

_Surprised by her admission, he raised his eyebrows, waiting for her explanation. _

_She took a deep breath before she started. "After what happened with Kanan," she stopped as his face fell, but slowly continue, "and Ba'al ..."_

_The image of his torture and endless visits to sarcophagus made him stand up abruptly, but her hand caught his before he managed to flee from her. "Please Sir, just let me finish." The desperate plea had made him stop dead in his tracks._

_"I don't want to talk about it." He made his intention clear with his back facing her, their hands still joined together._

_"I ..." She gathered all her courage, "I know. You're not the kind of guy who talks about stuff. " She squeezed his hand. "I know you more than you give me the credit for."_

_He tried to repress the emotion that had started to build up. He knew that he was still in withdrawal from the effects of the sarcophagus and he would be damned if he let it beat him. A few moments passed in silence as he controlled the raging storm inside him. Satisfied that he had tamed his demon for the time being, he squeezed her hand back, giving her permission to carry on._

_"I know that you hate to feel vulnerable, when you have no control over the situation. That was why ... " She chocked at her own words. "That was why I'm giving you an option."_

_He knew her well enough to understand what she was saying. "It's not an option that I would love to take."_

_"No, it's not ... but it will give you control over your own fate. So that no one but you ... *only* you decide your future."_

_She had offered him a way out. She gave him what Daniel had denied from him. She provided him with an opportunity. _

_The opportunity to give up the fight._

_She struggled to continue. "I wouldn't blame nor judge you if ... if you ever felt the need to use it. I understand."_

_He glanced back at the object on his table. With his free hand, he picked it up. "Is this why you had been spending much too much times in your lab lately?"_

_"Yes." _

_Studying the object for the second time, he turned around and handed her the small grenade._

_"Show me how it works."_

***

She understood.

That was all he needed to know.

_* The End * _


End file.
